"Happy birthday to me! happy birthday to me!" I sang in on this lonely day of the year, while looking at myself in the multiple mirrors I had set in on the table reflecting what seemed little of me, next to the bright candle I had turned on top of a cupcake. "Oh How beautiful it is" I think thought of this wonderful light, I will leave this bright candle on until it reaches the bottom and out it being of its last breath it will forever goes out. "How lucky of that candle light, that gets to live a beautiful but short life", I thought while I'm i was in front of the mirrors in the middle of the night. Little by little the candle got closer to the pastry until it finally blew out leaving me in complete darkness on to every side. I don't feel like moving, I don't feel like eating, I just sit there staring at where, behind the darkness I believe is the cupcake where my beautiful birthday candle used to stand so elegantly, proudly, still like the air around me.
Only sirens are heard every twenty or thirty minutes when they pass by at a distance, letting a few rays of red and blue pass through the closed curtains. While staring at the dark I see a constant blue blinking light coming from my old cellphone 6 feet away, I don't even consider standing up to get it,. I'm sure nobody is going to bother sending a message or giving me a call at any time this evening.
So there I sat in front of my cupcake for 24 hours until my birthday passed. I threw that cupcake in the trash can, I broke those mirrors with my gun, I burned that chair I sat on, and gave away my cell-phone to the first random person I saw.
In my mind only one thing remained of those dreadful 24 hours, the time I spent carefully watching my beautiful candle breathe with all its might, to the moment it left me surrounded by night, taking with it every drop of beauty and peace from my birthday night
...
I tell this from an asylum, I now believe that candle took with it my soul and sanity.
I burnt a few buildings, some people died, I didn't mean to hurt them, I just wanted the fire of that one candle to comfort me again. I burnt more than a few looking for it, but all i saw between the flames was violence and rage, the bigger the flames the more lonely lonelier i felt. Where is that candle light that comforted me for that peaceful hour in the middle of the night I wondered all the time while burning the city down.
As how it happens when one I some one becomes desperate, I started to get out of control. I was being clumsy and dumb, blinded by the hope of finding the warmth I felt with my that birthday candle that night.
...
Eventually I got caught... Ever since my birthday I can only see, hear and smell the flames, but such irony! they are cold as a dead body maybe freezing like the ice. As silent as the sea and as smelly as a rock.
I'm only left with complete desperation now, a blank mind full only of those flames that I once saw burn hundreds of feet in the air. This feeling must have a word to it,; this feeling is so clear yet so vague! What is this feeling? Why do I have so much of it? it doesn't feel like passion it doesn't feel like love.
Oh! I know now. It is hate what blinds me! I think I can live like this forever, locked up with a feeling that I understand and understands me back.
Now be gone! turn of the lights in your way out and never come back in here unless you bring my old friend the candle which grace kept me up that one night.
...
I died soon after, maybe a year or two later. In the other world I can only think of how my life could have remained empty until the day I vanished had it not been for my precious candle light.
Just something I wrote at 2 am on the 20th of jan.. I wasn't going to post it here because you all will think I'm mad, but for the praise it has gotten I am blinded by my pride and my wanting of offering you a interesting time. here is my work and a little of my mind. Don't think to much of it, it was just inspired by the day I had. ~Benjamin Turok